Losing myself in the storm-Honesty Hour


Okay so it’s time for some honest truth… The past few weeks… Actually no the past few months have been a little crazy…actually a lot crazy lol. And in the process of me trying handle all of the crazy mess around me I feel like I have been losing myself. It’s like I’ve spent so much time acting like the things that have happened don’t bother me that I feel like it is driving me crazy. And I can’t escape it. I have caused STUFF to effect my attitude and my temperament. To effect my desire to really just focus on God and his plan and his timing in my life and not on all of these distractions because that is exactly what it all is…a bunch of distractions. But the thing is…it’s only affects me in my private life and by that I mean on the outside and like when I am around people I can keep it together but the minute I am alone by myself things change. The only thing that is really keeping me together right now is my family. And also the fact that I know that in Gods timing, if I don’t quite he will work it all out for me. But I really wish I knew what his plan was now but I’m just going to be patient. I’ve spent so much time letting people have some type of control over my feelings and thoughts and actions and then that stress is only worsened by work stress and school stress and I became so stressed that I missed the opportunity to grow from this and be better because of it. So to every situation, circumstance, person and distraction that I had to deal with…thank you. Thank you to the people who’ve hurt me, to the friends that have left me, to the days that have frustrated me, the days that I’ve wanted to quit, and the problems that I thought were to much to deal with. Because it’s true you never know you’re true strength until you have no other choice. I can’t wait to see where God takes me from here. But I can’t allow myself to regress spiritually and mentally. I can’t let all of the things that God has done in me so far be in vain. I can’t allow myself to continue to dwell in this place that’s not me. And this is not a cry for help, me seeking attention or a way for me to criticize or talk about anyone but I just needed to speak my peace because vulnerability is where your freedom comes from.