Dear you, (a letter to everyone who has ever hurt me…)

Dear you, 

Before I start I want you to know that this is not a hate letter or a bashing session but rather a thank you note to friends and people that at one point I grew very close to (not like romantic or dating) people that meant something to me. I am not writing this about a specific person so if you feel some type of way while reading this…well that should tell you something. Anyway, I am writing this because at one point you meant a lot to me…a whole lot. You were somebody who made a big impact on my life in one way or another and although people have problems and sometimes life just happens…I always thought you would have my back and be there for me but, oh how quickly things can change. Did I ever tell about how bad I struggled with low self-esteem, depression and, anxiety for years so just imagine how much harder it is to lose someone that you thought cared about you when you already feel so alone in the world…yeah you can just think on that for a little bit. Some of you never treated me right but I was to blind to see it I mean some of you blatantly treated me like crap and only made me feel like I had value when I would do something that benefited you…well that’s a lie because there were a lot of times when you were nice just because you cared. Well you know what, thank you because I know my worth now. I don’t feel the desire to be accepted and I’ve learned to walk away and be okay with having to walk alone. Thank you because I realized that sometimes I can be too nice and give too many chances and I let stuff go that I shouldn’t have. This is not me trying to say I was perfect and did everything right because I know I didn’t but I learned how to treat people so if I could help it I wouldn’t hurt people. And while I’m mentioning it thank you for helping me see where I fall short  so that I can be the best version of myself. Thank you for the time spent, memories made and love shared because no matter what happened or will happen I would not be who I am if those experiences (the good, the bad and, the ugly ) never happened. So, no hard feelings, no love lost I just wish you all the best. βœŒπŸΎπŸ˜˜πŸ’―πŸ‘‹πŸΎ

-Kenya Neal 

Blessings in disguise 🎭 

Have you ever been through something that had you completely questioning everything that you thought you knew about life. It’s like I know God has everything worked out for my good and that he doesn’t make mistakes but I don’t quite understand why I’m dealing with this, why am I facing this problem? We just want some kind of understanding. Well I’m going to bring it back to my personal life a little bit because not to long ago some stuff happened but it was like things that I thought I already dealt with, went through, and overcame. Old feelings and emotions started to resurface, I started losing people and at a point I thought I was starting to lose myself and I did not understand why.  And of course I said my 3 favorite words “I don’t care.” And have you ever noticed that when people say they don’t care it usually means that they care a whole lot.  However, I’m not the type of person who likes to bury her feelings when I just don’t energy to deal with them. It was funny because I started forcing my self to be okay with where I was in my life and I didn’t talk about it a whole lot because I don’t trust people (this is a topic for a whole different blog lol.) and I didn’t even really pray about it because I didn’t think God really want to hear from me if I’m being completely honest but, the crazy thing is when I stopped talking that’s when God started speaking. It first started when I heard this sermon by Sarah Jakes who I love to listen to and she was preaching about the uncomfortable advantage and how sometimes we have to be okay with being uncomfortable in order to go where God calls us to and get to where we need to be. And then the next day my church youth leader preached about how when we don’t follow Gods instructions our life doesn’t look like how God planned for it to look but once we start to follow his instructions then things will start to look more like God plans and instructions. And that Sunday I left church and I felt so light. I didn’t go to the alter or fall out or anything like that…I simply had an encounter with counter with God.  And it didn’t require a lot of extra stuff it was just me and God in the last pew of the church having a conversation and it was in that encounter that I felt God lift the weight of everything that had me bound for past few weeks. Every since that day I’ve just felt a desire to worship God and to grow closer to him. I know you are probably wondering what this has to do with the topic…well, I believe that God wanted to get me to the state that I was in to bring me back to where he wants me to be because I have not been praying like I should or reading my bible like should and I was pretty complacent in my spiritual life and I was okay with being where I was. However, I prayed earlier this year to grow in God and develop a stronger relationship with God and just walk in my purpose and be who he called me to be…I claimed that 2017 was going to be my year. I believe that God saw me drifting away and started eliminating distractions in my life in order to get my attention…it was a blessing in disguise. So, when life throws curve balls at you and you just feel like life is kicking your butt just wait because later on you will see that there was purpose behind your pain…don’t give up because God knows what he is doing. Stay Blessed 😘❀️